You never know when an exercise will jump off the page and become a viable, palpable tool. But when it does…wow. You feel like you struck oil!
Years ago, I learned an exercise about ranting. You know what a rant is. It’s when you are so angry that you start to jump up and down, feel it in your stomach, and (sorry to say) use language that your grandmother would not appreciate. And all the yelling!
The exercise is done in pairs, and one person is asked to Rant at the other about a real subject that makes them angry for 90 seconds. The person being ranted at just listens. Then, they switch roles. After both people have ranted and listened to (The listening part is vital), the pair joins the whole group, and each person introduces their partner using this script: “This is my friend Terry, and what I’ve learned about Terry is that________.” You must say only positive things you learned from the negative rant. You look for the values beneath the rant. For example, this person cares about his family, or justice and fairness really matter to her. The subject of the rant is never mentioned. All that negative energy is transformed into what the person truly cares about.
So, I learned how to play this “game, and I went back to my real life. Sitting down at my computer and opening my email, I opened one from a colleague, and it was truly a rant! A rant with many sentences in ALL CAPS. My first response was to hit my keys hard and rant right back. But then I stopped short. I decided to play the game I just learned. I looked for what my colleague cared about – the values beneath the rant. I wrote, “Dear (Colleague), I can tell how deeply you care about your job, how much pride you take in it, and how important it is to you. All this makes you a great asset,”…..etc.
And I hit SEND.
Almost immediately, another email came back from my colleague, saying, “I think I hit the send key too soon. I apologize for the tone of my message. Thanks for understanding, and I look forward to discussing this with you at greater length.”
IT WORKED! The fire of the rant was extinguished, and my colleague felt heard, affirmed, and appreciated for who they were.
Listen beneath the rant. Listen! They wouldn’t be ranting if they didn’t care so much.
Oh, these games. We’re talking about some serious play here. And Exact Communication is the place to practice. Come RANT with us just because you care.
