Month: April 2023

Time to Come Out of the Shadows

I’m squeamish about connecting these days, so many topics are hot buttons for people. I find myself backing away and making meaningless small talk. Turns out, I’m even more squeamish about that.

I long for connection and I’m not talking about connecting with friends, that’s easy, that’s why they’re my friends. We trust and care for each other and we cut each other some slack.

But what about all those other people? Yeah, those guys, the people that I do not have an easy connection with. How do I connect with them?  And why bother?

We humans are relational beings, and we need connection to be whole and to thrive. As unique and different as we are, we are also the same. Spiritual teachers tell us that we are one. Genetics tells us we are far more alike than we are different. Psychologists say that connection is the way to stability and growth. And personally, connection just feels right. It feels spacious, open, and really good.  When I don’t connect it can feel tight and small. I feel alone and sometimes anxious.

So, with all this going for it, why don’t we connect more often? My guess is that connection takes time. It slows us down and who has time for that? I have a “to do list” each day and I must get everything done on that list. When I’m rushing around it becomes easy to close shop, to not speak from the heart, and to throw trust out the window… and then close the window

The truth is connection only takes a moment. It happens when we pause and take a breath.  Mindfulness tells us that in that moment we are more present, our mind naturally slows down, our breathing regulates, and we can see who we are talking to…and that can be enough. We may even in that moment choose to smile, and that is a connection. Pause. Breathe. Smile. Try it. It only takes a moment – one gorgeous, beautiful present moment.

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